FTM Exclusive, by Rex Kramer
With his ball sack thrown over his shoulder, Lance Armstrong strutted out onto Pimlico Race Course making fun of the other competitors. At one point over heard whispering in Animal Kingdom’s ear ” yer destined for the soap factory flat foot…” .With much to prove as the target of yet more doping allegations , Lance decided to just say fuck it and go where he wont get so much agony.
Pumped up with oxygen Lance bolts from the outside gate at his Preakness debut last weekend. Lance later said, ” what a hoot out there with those midgets on horseback…I was so tempted to reach over and just yank the little fella off his horse…”
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Amazing endurance and strength on display as Lance peddles through loose dirt and horse shit as he gains the lead at the half way mark. Lance later told us “…dam them veterinarians got the good shit…did you see me out there? Them asshats at the UCI will never test for this stuff..”
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Easily beating the field Lance trotted across the finish line with a 4 links lead but was later disqualified for his midget comments. When asked abut that he said..’… dam… I didnt know…Dude, I thought we where friends? Thats just crazy! I would never say that….. and besides all of us warm up by toss’n a few dwarfs…that shit is a blast….”
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